Unaffordable

Went to Wal-Mart yesterday...
Me and the crew were buying some supplies for the dinner we were cooking- Curry chicken and rice. Yum. lol
As I'm in Wal, I remember that she- yeah, her- wanted the Chrisette Michele CD sooo bad. I knew if we were in a relationship again, or at least on normal talking terms, that she's have it already. But ever since we've been done, I've just been chilling, holding myself back from that venue- going out of my way like i ALWAYS would.
This time I wouldn't be going out of my way, so I didn't think it mattered...
I needed batteries, so as I was grabbing some I started to look at the CDs...thinking about the smile she may give me as I surprise her.
Then a friend of mine told me that I couldn't afford it.
I didn't think twice- I walked away.
Then once again at check-out, I see some CDs, and one sticks out.
Chrisette's beautiful face...
I pick it up, and look at the back of the CD...witness all the great ((understatement)) music that was on the CD- most of it I've heard before.
$10
Not bad at all- especially considering how GOOD her music was.
Then onse again, a friend jokingly said "You can't afford it."
I mean, I could afford it, but it wasn't a neccesity- which is what I'm only trying to buy these days seeing that I don't have a steady income in college...
But it didn't matter...when you're heart's held hostage, nothing's ever an issue to make the holder smile...
Nothing.
Lucius= Living Proof, baby.
I was about to buy it, and then I thought deeper into it- as always.
Could I really afford this?
Could my heart afford this?
I could buy it, give it to her, see her smile
- then when would I hear from her again?
She doesn't want to be with me, so why should she be blessed with the things that come with? Just cuz I WANT to do it?
Cuz I really do...
That'd be stupid of me...very atupid of me...
And when it comes to my heart...I can't afford it.
A smile would be reciprocation enough, but would I even get that??
Would she get the idea that I'm going to be here forever- whenever she want's for something, but won't give me anything in return but sadness?
My heart can't afford it.
I screwed up my face and returned the CD to it's holder...
I think I'm learning...

Peace & Blessings
Lu